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Let The Festivities Commence!

Yes. It’s that time of year again. Thanksgiving. Peace and goodwill. Etc, etc. Cripes, I need a cigarette just THINKING about such enforced bonhomie.

Having to smile at Uncle Nerdie as he does his fart gag for what seems like the fiftieth time. Oh, that’s right, it IS the fiftieth time. Consoling poor Aunt Madge, whose doleful countenance only darkens as the jollity intensifies, until, after a vatful of egg nog, she pounds violently on the table with her fist, upsets the cutlery (and baby Henry, who instantly emits a startling variety of yells and smells), and storms dramatically from the room, screaming: “Never mention that man’s name again”!

Not to mention Grandma, who seems to have passed on in the corner and joined the heavenly choir invisible, until you realize she is still with us when she jabs you with her cane and hisses: ” Hey, cheapskate, I hate those slippers you bought me, I hope you kept the receipt ‘coz they are going back to the store Monday”.

And you want me to quit smoking NOW? Are you insane?

Truth is, God willing, Uncle Nerdie, Aunt Madge, and yes, even Grandma will still be there next year. But if you carry on smoking, you may not be. And to be honest, the gags will still be just as crap whether you have a cigarette or not.

Moral of the story? The presence of the cigarette doesn’t change anything whatsoever. Keep it there, and you won’t improve the situation. In reality, each little puff on that tube makes the situation worse. It makes you more tense, less tolerant, and less healthy, because the Nicotine Brigade are con-artists, deceiving you into thinking you are more relaxed, when each smoke winds you up like a clock. Let’s face it.  It makes you smell worse than baby Henry’s diaper. It will never, ever make that fart gag funny. It almost certainly will improve your chances of being  around next year.

So maybe now is EXACTLY the right time to quit………


About Stephen Ross

Writer, entertainer, smiler!

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